The day you were born...

The day you were born I was full of emotions. I was excited to finally meet you, nervous that things would go wrong, and sad because memories of the loss of your sister were coming on strong.

We were running late and had to be at the hospital by 3:00 PM. We checked in and headed to our room by 3:30. The nurses were rushing because the doctor had called and wanted to have the surgery before schedule, which was at 4:00. I remember as the nurses were giving me the run down and hooking my IV up, she kept saying “ relax, everything’s going to be fine.” I didn’t realize that it showed just how anxious I was, but the only thing I could think about was delivering you healthy and with no complications. You were only 37 weeks and 5 days; which was still early. When we had tested the maturity of your lungs the week before, they weren’t ready. The last thing I wanted was for you to end up in the NICU and needing oxygen. I’ve been there before and I just wanted so badly for this experience to be different. Even though you were much further a long than your sisters, I was scared.

By 3:45 the anesthesiologist came in and talked to me about my epidural. We were now walking towards the OR when the nurse told your dad to give me a kiss because I was going in. They don’t let anyone in when they are doing the epidural just in case it doesn’t work. Thank goodness it did and your father got to come in. By 4:20 I was laying on the table as the doctor probed at my stomach with a rather sharp scalpel and asked “do you feel anything?” I said “no” and the surgery started. By 4:37, I heard you cry.

Oh how glorious that moment was. As the tears poured down my face, the emotions of it all came rushing through. You were healthy, you were finally here and It was just moments until I got to see your beautiful face. After they wiped you down and your dad cut your umbilical chord, he brought you over to me. It was a dream come true, seeing you. This time it was different.

The day you were born, you healed my broken heart. You filled my sorrow with joy and you showed me just how fast one could fall in love.