By the time bedtime hit, I was ready to call it quits. Chaos was rearing its usual head and melt downs had begun. With two toddlers way passed exhausted, jumping and screaming on the bed, the sound track of two teenage boys were arguing about God only knows. I think tonight it was the fan. Oh my, can you imagine the terror of one being hot, and the other being cold. Funny enough, if you follow us on Instagram, today's post is pure irony because tonight was not amazing. Not the least bit.
Have you ever wondered how you got here? I mean the obvious decisions of course don't apply to my question because I do sort of know how I got here. As I am quickly approaching 32, I find myself asking it more and more. "How did I get here?" and where is here?
I used to be the kind of person who used writing as a form of expression, and never thought twice about sharing my life, the details, or the emotions behind it all. It has always been a therapeutic outlet of sorts. Once the business took off, I changed. I had to be more strategic about what I posted, how often, and to whom it would be accepted by and to whom it would not. Well, at this point in my business, career, and life, my need to write far outweighs the rest because I can't seem to find my inspiration. That magic that used to ignite my creative mind until all hours of the night. Now, I'm just way too tired, and uninspired. Maybe even feeling a bit defeated.
So where is here? If you haven't noticed, the business has been kind of in limbo. I mean it's there and there's a shit ton to do, and my ultimate dream and goal is to grow it, but there's only 24 hours in the day. Have you ever heard the expression, "burning the candle on both ends?" Yup. that was me. You see, I recently became a single mom to four children. Something that I did not plan and am still having a difficult time accepting. Not the relationship part, but more the "You are doing this on your own" part. Just like life, this new, unexpected journey threw me a curveball that I can't quite catch. At least not just yet.
So here I am. In limbo. Mothering my amazing children where not every day is amazing. Trying my absolute hardest to juggle working, growing the business, with school pick ups and drop offs, meals, homework, and basically raising good tiny humans who depend on me soley. Some days, I feel like "YEAH, I've got this!" and others I feel like a failure at life. So much to do, so many worries, and nowhere near hitting the goals I had set out to accomplish years ago. Its ironic how life guides you on what you need versus what you want. It has taken me awhile to understand and accept that the season I am currently in, is just that–only a season. Even knowing so, it is still a work in progress and a challenge to not fight the current instead of going with the flow.
There's loads of laundry not finished, emails not answered, orders needed to be fulfilled, and a million other things I haven't been able to get to, and that's okay. Yes say it with me. IT'S OKAY! I'm not super woman, and either are you. We are human, and life, let alone motherhood and running a business is straight up EXHAUSTING. There's this unspoken pressure for women to feel the need to do it all, all the time and it's just not realistic. That is the very definition of burning the candle on both ends, and eventually, sooner rather than later, you'll burn yourself out. No matter where you are, or where you aren't, it's okay. Life isn't about the destination, it is about the journey. Enjoy the journey and the process. It will help you to grow into the person you're destined to be.
So here I am. In limbo, and it's not so bad. Almost 32, a single mother of four beautiful children. I am an entrepreneur who is passionate about what I do. I am a work in progress. I understand and accept that so much is out of my control and even when the business is on a somewhat hiatus, it will be okay, because it's only a season. I am providing for my children and being the best mother I can be.
Ultimately, I am on the quest to find my inspiration and fall back in love with my business and myself really, and continue to find the balance of being a mompreneur.
Where are you in your life? Do you have similar struggles? how did you persevere? I'd love to hear about it!